Recently , a friend of mine was assigned as a sitter at the hospital where she works.
Her job, for that shift, was to stay at the bedside of a young man who was brought in because he had attempted to harm himself. My friend was explaining how emotional she was afterward, and how helpless she had felt. Most of all, she explained what she saw in this person. She saw a person who needed help, someone to talk to, and to know someone was in his corner.
As I was reading what my friend had written, I was caught off-guard and became very emotional. Not just because of the incredible amount of empathy she showed, but it made me wonder……did anyone ever look at Jordan like that?
Jordan had been hospitalized many times; several times he also had a sitter with him. I started to wonder…..could this person see how scared Jordan AND I were? Could they see he was a horribly confused and tormented soul? Could they see that he never wanted to hurt anyone- including himself- but just didn’t know what to do? Could they see he needed help….help that I, as his mother, was unable to give him? Could they see that we were all trying? Could they possibly see Jordan the way I did? Could they?
I’m going to choose to believe that somewhere, through everything he’d been through, there was at least one person. One person who could, at the very least, see a glimmer of Jordan shining through.
While I know that doctors tend to base their opinions of people on the facts—has this happened before, blood work, tox screen, etc- there just has to be people there ( nurses, sitters, the woman that brought him his meals) who could look past all that and see the person.
Many of my friends never really got to know Jordan. The ones that did though, will always remember him with a smile.
I am smiling through my tears as I write this, because I know Jordan can see how loved he was, and still is, by so many. He did make a difference , and there’s an emptiness now where he used to be. There’s also a feeling in me that I never had before. A feeling of extreme peace and love…..so much so, that sometimes I can physically feel it!! I know I sound crazy. That’s ok!
Now that Jordan is free from his pain and suffering here in earth , I believe he is showering me with all the love he always had for me. Other things just got in the way before.
I love you around the world a million times Turkey Noodle❣️
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Lovely thoughts, Dawn. And know that people, from the “room cleaner” to the nurses to the doctors…some of those people saw JORDAN, and not just a chart or a case. I have a lot of experience as a family member in a hospital. It was always very apparent who saw my family member as a “case” and who saw the person lying in the bed, struggling to breathe, or working so very hard to get well enough to go home. Those angels are all around in hospitals. More often than not, they’re the people bringing the meals, the CNA who has the most thankless job at the hospital, or the social worker who is making sure that things go well on discharge. But there are plenty of nurses and therapists and doctors out there who are actually doing what they do because they cannot help but see the people behind the medical history. And those same angels see the parents and spouses and children whose lives are turned upside down by whatever is going on…trying to balance life at home, life at work, and life with a family member in the hospital. They take time out from rounds to bring a blanket to the wife shivering in the ICU as she watches her husband of 45 years teetering on the brink. They bring an extra meal tray to the sister who has been in the same spot, in the same clothes, for 48 hours. They saw Jordan and they saw you. Love you.
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First of all, thank you for reading what I write. That means so much to me. Secondly, your words are beautiful. To know that you can relate to what I’m feeling is priceless. It feels like a big warm hug. I’ve said it before, but I’ll say it again…..I could not make it on this journey alone. Thank you for being with me as I navigate this new world. Love you too , my friend
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